Soliloquy of the Other
by Senzafine
Summary: After the Great War is over, and before the Fellowship breaks apart, Legolas has doubts of his return home, Aragorn waits for his bride and Frodo contemplates suicide. What other thoughts haunt the minds of the rest of the Fellowship? *Finished*


Soliloquy of the Other   
  
===  
Frodo  
===  
  
I still can't believe the day has come.   
After all we done, after all we've been through.  
  
As if the moon dawned a new color, golden and bright like the sun. We, each of us, are reborn. There is nothing here anymore.   
  
We can finally move on.  
  
===  
Sam  
===  
  
Mister Frodo stares a lot out the window. He looks as if something's taken hold of him, and I don't mean in a bad way either. Every day, he looks out the window and turns to me.  
  
And he sings. He doesn't sing too bad, for a Hobbit. I'm so used to Elves singing that any other song, sung by anyone else, sort of hurts my ears if you get my meaning.  
  
But when Mister Frodo sings, I don't mind it at all.  
I just wish he wasn't so pale after singing but only two songs.  
  
===  
Aragorn  
===  
  
By the night of the fifth new moon, she would arrive at the palace. Her people will bring many gifts, and much song. Both sad and full of joy. It is like the bitter embers of light that springs from the last firewood. Those dying flames are the brightest of all.   
  
Her people will bring many gifts, but the greatest gift of all will be her, when she arrives at the palace. Now if only the days will shorten, and time flies as quickly as the birds overhead. I have not forever to live, and I desire for every moment to be spent with her by my side.  
  
===  
Gimli  
===  
  
The Elf and I get along pretty well nowadays. He has many times, sworn his name to the sake of my family's and to that, I hold dearly to. We are a dying race, no matter what Father wishes to say. We mine forever below the ground.  
  
We find gold and diamonds, jewels oft as big as a Hobbit's head. Our riches can make the race of men cry and fall to their knees, their mouths forever cascading with the pleads of a greedy heart, sprung from need and watered by jealousy.  
  
And for that power to make not only men, but all the other Free-folk, desire something we of the underground do not freely give, we in turn traded the free air and the green earth.  
  
How can I ever be content once I seen the sun, like gold, spread its rays across the plain filled with the slow swaying of grasses, looking like dancers? How can I desire anything else but the slender shy trees, hiding their beauty behind green, flowering leaves?   
  
I blame it on the Elf. No, the Elves.  
  
One I love. And the other has become my brother. There's no hope for me now.  
  
When I return to my mountain, I will no longer find peace, or happiness when the sun is shining high above and the creatures of the forests are singing and I - I am condemned to live underneath it all, as if   
  
As if I am in exile.  
  
===  
Legolas - Excerpted from a letter to Thranduil   
===  
  
"...My lord, there are a great many things I will never understand about this world, even if I were to live forever, gracing six thousand lifetimes of men. I have seen things of beauty, mountains, endless stretches of plains, and fields of flowers that smell to the sea, things that make me wish to weep, to cover my eyes in fear that I have not the strength to endure such beauty for even a moment longer. But I have bear witness, and I myself the creator, of many foul deeds, of which many haunt my nights, and cause me to forgot all that is good and green in this world...  
  
...My Companions and the Company of the King reside in a city that I need not name, for it is the greatest of all the cities of men. In the battered homes, made of stone, I see the strength to withstand even more storms. In the crumbling sidewalks, outlined in white marble, I see the promise of a new era, where new paths and ways can be forged.   
  
My lord, I do not know when I will return back to our realm. There's a stirring in me that has reached into a part of me I did know once existed. I dare not describe this feeling, this renewed desire to be away from our beloved trees and land because, my lord, I do not know the words to use to explain it....  
  
....I have befriended a shield-maiden from Rohan during our journey. She sings songs that are almost phantoms themselves, filled with a certain longing and desire for a forgotten thing. That is how I feel, my lord. There is one song I will sing to you, and to the rest of the Court, upon my arrival. And when I sing, I will sing in the Common Tongue. Our language has not the words to sing about death and of the hope of rebirth."  
  
===  
From "Upon the Mark" [Rohan ballad, Verses 3, 4 and 5]   
===  
  
"Here now, is the night, pale and silver  
And to sit here, among the stars  
I lifted a hand and saw the tears of the dead  
Who knew not where the dreams are  
  
Upon the mark, fair maidens dance  
To a song that no longer holds true  
The flowers they held withered away  
And the moon cried its tears blue  
  
But upon the mark, fair maidens sing  
Of a song that says a new day is here  
Now, if only we can bring ourselves  
Away from that cage of fear.."  
  
===  
Gandalf  
===  
  
Legolas sings songs that are of passing, of death and of regret. I have came to realize that he is finally understanding. The race of men are given a new day, while the elves are fading away in their last autumn. Legolas sings songs quietly to himself, when he thinks no one is listening, save the beech trees of his family while Merry and Pippin sings songs of joy to everyone who can hear.  
  
The two have became adjusted to the ways of grandeur and ride forever upon fine Rohan horses, wearing plate mail and bearing the symbol of the prancing, rearing horses of the Mark. They are more lively, and yet, their faces are filled with growth. I know now the joy that a bird has, watching its young fly, higher then expected, straight for the sun itself. I take joy in hearing Merry's ballads, he is quite learned in the songs of Rohan and Gondor. And Pippin, he sings nonsense songs, taken from his head of air that managed to fill up quite heartedly with good sage wisdom, given by experience.   
  
And Aragorn sings not at all, for he spends much time staring out the window, his eyes forever turn to the West.  
  
The moon has come full circle six times since we first arrived at the White City. I know how he waits. Of this longing, I myself feel it. For three hundred lifetimes, I waited for this day. And the day has not yet dawned.  
  
We are, all of us, utter beings of perfection, once pushed beyond the breaking point, and upon such stress, returned to our true selves stronger and full of spirit. We are, all of us, marred by deeds we have done, the lives we have taken, regardless if those live were ones of Shadow and Darkness, and the blood our hands have spilled and wiped from our blades.   
  
I worry now, for Frodo. It is he my thoughts are constantly turning to. I am faulted, I have not foreseen the great obstacles that still lie ahead for our courageous Halfing, with a heart greater then a many Elf and Man.   
  
I despair because though I know he will withstand them all, his laugh will never be as light, and as happy as it once was.   
  
And this earth keeps dying, and renewing itself each day. I would feel almost young again if I could only forgot that Frodo can never become what he once was.  
  
===  
Frodo  
===  
  
I wonder what its like to be love.   
  
Do not mistaken me, I love the feel of soil upon my hands, and the touch of the wind, smelling of wheat against my face. There are a great many things I love.   
  
But to be in love, that is something I do not know.  
  
They will all be joined to the ones they love. Even Gimli, who daily speaks of the troubles of finding a drawf woman, harder then finding silver laced emeralds. Even Sam, who speaks not of the woman he left behind in the Shire but adorns the room with the flowers of her name. They will all be in love, and in love, be loved. All save I.  
  
There is a bitterness in me that I shall not allow any to feel. Not even the one who should, and maybe even could love me, the way Aragorn loves Arwen.   
  
Pippin and Merry speak behind cupped hands, stopping when I walk by. I know of the plans they are discussing, believing that it will all come to pass and fall into place. It will not. I will not let it happen.  
  
I see Bilbo, who once sat alone by the fire, no one stroking his hand, a heavy cease in his brow. He was so forlorn, and so sad. I know too, of Elrond, who grieves day by day under the mask of true joy as the Elves make their way to Gondor from the shores of the Grey Havens, his daughter's hand never straying far from his own. He too is sad, for he is to give his daughter, who looks so much like the woman he loved once, long ago, to Aragorn. Aragorn will feel sadness too, when the day comes for his death and he must, not by his will, but by this earth's, leave behind his beloved Arwen. This is sadness, each born of a different pain, of a different agony.   
  
The sun will rise, after every night, to wash away the darkness. But we ourselves are never fully cleansed of this pain. No one can run once they given their hearts even to the smallest of creatures, the slightest leaf and the tiniest bit of land.   
  
I will never be in love. I do not have the strength to endure another sadness, as great as the one I carry now. I would give up everything to rid myself of that sadness.  
  
I just wish Sam and the others will understand.  
  
===  
A conversation between Pippin and Merry, on the roof of their house in Gondor, after supper and during a smoke.  
===  
  
"Merry?"  
"Yes, Pip?"  
  
"How long we known Frodo?"  
"Bout our whole lives, Pip."  
  
"How long we known each other?"  
"Every since we were born, that what my Mamie says."  
  
"Sam?"  
"I think we meet him only two years before we meet Frodo, that's a long time, isn't it, Pip?"  
  
"Gandalf?"  
"Our fathers knew him, Pippin. Don't you remember those stories during the second breakfast and tea time?"  
  
"And Strider?"  
"Soon, we'll know him for three years."  
  
"Gimli?"  
"Two and a half, give or take a couple of days."  
  
"Legolas?"  
"We meet him the same time we meet Gimli. Why you asking me all of this? What's on your mind?"  
"Nothing."  
"Your smoke rings are fading quicker then usual. Something's bothering you. You know what they say, the clouded mind brings way to an uneasy heart."  
  
"And you know all this by looking at my smoke rings?!?"  
"What's wrong, Pip?"  
  
"Merry, by right, we shouldn't miss them that much. We known them only for a little time, you know, and most of the time, they were someplace away from us."  
"Oh. You mean -"  
  
"I know that everything we did was for this day. When we can all return home and return back to the Shire, but Merry - I don't want it to end yet. I want to keep on going, for more adventures, though with everything already done, I don't think there's anything left for us to do."  
"There might still be, Pip. There might."  
  
"What I'm saying is, I'm going to miss them."  
"Me too, Pippin."  
  
"Sort of hallowed out, missing some pieces."  
"I know what you mean, Pippin. I know what you mean."  
  
===  
Sam  
===  
  
When I get back to the Shire, I'm going to settle right in with Mister Frodo and not leave his side till he doesn't need a gardener anymore.   
  
I think I'm always going to feel this way. It's not right, and I'm sure Gaffer's going to complain about me not living up to my duties, but I am.  
  
Mister Frodo's not going to be the same. He's going to grow weak, and he won't be able to sleep sometimes. I don't have the heart to leave him alone after everything he done. For me, for the Shire, for Aragon, for all of us and all the people on this land. He had to pay with it by giving up the joy and the happiness he used to have. Sometimes, I think he just wants to give up and go to sleep, never to awake.  
  
When he falls asleep, I feel like crying because it looks like everything is more peaceful when he's not awake. But his eyes open again, and he lives, even if its for a day more.   
  
I think often of Rosie, and the life I had before I came here with Frodo. It's like there's two of me, and I don't know how to piece us two together so we can be just Sam again, Sam simple and easy like that. But I know that's not going to happen because after all this, nothing can return back to normal.  
  
I hear talk of new changes, new changes that'll come and make this land grow in a deeper shade of green. Gaffer used to say the grass is green according to the happiness of the people who live on it. I say its gets greener if people water it with hope.  
  
And there'll be a lot of that. I know, but I can't stop thinking about changes. I think the Shire's going to change, not a bad change, but a change so big no one can stop it. Its makes me sort of sad, and sort of happy. I can't describe it.   
  
The world is becoming something it never was once before. With good Elves like Legolas leaving these shores and Gimli's folks hiding themselves down in the earth, I think this land will become more common and maybe more peaceful. I used to think that being peaceful was the best way to live, being laid back and loving the lazy sun.  
  
But I spent so much time in the tides of adventure and seeing things of wonder, I don't ever want to be peaceful again.  
  
When I get back to the Shire, I'm going to learn how to ride a horse and plant new flowers, some from Rohan, some from the plains of Gondor, some from the Elvish lands. Its time that we see some new and strange flowers, so we don't forget to appreciate the ones we already have.  
  
===  
A Prayer to Boromir from Aragorn  
===  
  
"Companion in arms, and brother in blade, we have at last found a peace that is as sweet as the new spring. There is much talk in Gondor, and all heads are lifted to the sunrise. I will wed Arwen, lady of Rivendell, when the sun has reached its highest point and your brother, the young Steward, goes to the altar to say his vows as well. We are changed, and I do not think you will disapprove of this change. They grow stronger as the days go on, our people and also, our Companions. We know not what lies before us, for our lifetimes are as varied and as different as the grasses that grow upon these plains. How many miles we have traveled, in spirit and on foot, so that we may now sleep in nights that are no longer haunted by that dread of evil, of darkness growing and destroying all that we love. If everything falls once more into shadow, you may trust that our City will raise to answer that threat. Many have seen my return to Gondor as the first time hope has returned to these lands. I say nay, for I know hope was born when we stayed true, and strong to this world, and to each other. I light a candle to you and its flame will die, its light fading slowly away until nothing, but smoke, can be seen. Yet, forever the sun will shine and that is enough to keep us, all of us, walking and living till the bittersweet end - bitter because we will leave the lands that we have loved, and fought for, sweet because we may once more meet each other in the lands that lay outside of mortal existence. They will raise a statue to you, and they will sing songs of fair praise and joy. But I know, nothing is sweeter to you now but the laugh of a child who is able to once more walk freely in the open air. I pray that sound reaches you, my friend and brother."   
===  
  
Frodo Baggins left the outskirts of Gondor one day, when the sun was high and the shadow of the moon did not quite leave the sky yet. He took with him nothing, save a small flask of wine. He walked up to the hills past the White City and turned towards the west.   
  
He gotten so used to looking towards the east that the beauty in the west nearly took his breath away. The high rolling hills looked like land that no one conquered yet, a wild land that seemed as if it was waiting. Maybe it was waiting for him.  
  
The trumpets were starting to herald the arrival of someone important, someone who was waiting and waited for. Why did Frodo leave the city the very same day that Arwen arrived? The reasons laid deep in his blue eyes, eyes he never lowered, but were always raised to look at the sun. He began to feel very light, as if something taken hold of him and lifted him to the infinite sky above.   
  
He was soaring over the land, the mountains and rivers. He had but only to reach one finger and he could taste the snow that capped the highest mountain of the country. He had but only to lower his face and kiss the crystal water that flowed, and in flowing sounded like birds, through the snaking rivers. He felt, at that moment, watching the city of Gondor awaking to a new day, with a new King and Queen, that he was finally falling asleep.  
  
The harsh darkness that has settled in to him days past seem to echo itself into a mockery of what he thought was once reality. Not reality at all - but just his heart trying to hide itself into a deep ravine of his mind. On top that hill that overlooked Gondor, and the countries that he heard of in only legends and tales, he felt like the sky - infinite.  
  
Frodo reached into his cloak and pulled out an unsealed letter, written but six hours ago, in his hurried hand. It was addressed like this:  
  
"To Samwise Gamgee, Gandalf the White and Co  
From one Frodo Baggins of Bag-End, Hobbiton, The Shire."  
  
Frodo looked to the sun and his eyes didn't hurt anymore. He felt as if he was actually seeing for the first time. A bird sang, matching the lovely echo of song that drifted from the City below. The wind blew, but it felt as if it was the very first wind, newly sprung from the very bosom of this earth. It filled Frodo with a new longing - a longing to live and let live alone.   
  
Someone called his name, and he turned, expecting to see Sam, or Merry, or Pippin behind him, worried and wondering where he went off too. But it was Gandalf, who gathered the crying hobbit - when did Frodo start crying? Just small tears, tears that seemed so happy and so sad all at once - into his arms and led him back to the City.  
  
And as Frodo walked slowly with Gandalf back to the City, a ripped letter, torn neatly in two was set adrift the wind.  
  
===  
Frodo - Excerpted from the letter addressed to Samwise Gamgee  
===  
  
"...I do not know what else to say. The world is changing and I do not want to be a part of that change. I do not want you to blame yourself, any of you. The moments, whether those of peril or of great joy, has given me the understanding that in the end, there will always be something honest, and good, about each and every race and to defend that honesty - why there's no other reason for living then that. There's no nobler death then to die after being extended and challenged to the very deepest of our fears and troubles. And to know that we all emerged strong and better then who we are - why, I do not mind dying after something like that.   
  
... We Hobbits tend to forget that life can extend even farther, past the lands that we loved and was loved by for so long. I do not regret leaving, nor anything I done in the past, if only it meant I was able to learn and be taught by all of you.  
  
... I don't know what else to say, but good - bye. We will find each other again, for our lives and fates are bound to one another. I go now to create a place, filled with trees for Legolas, gold for Gimli and good food for the hobbits, where after the ages have worn themselves utterly thin and we have not the will nor desire to live in this land any longer, we will all have someplace to go to.  
  
Good-bye. We will find each other again, for I have bound myself to each of you.  
-Frodo Baggins  
  
===  
Conversations between Gandalf and Frodo while walking back to the palace  
===  
  
"Gandalf?"  
"Yes, Frodo?"  
"Thank you for finding me."  
"You found yourself, Frodo. I just followed when I heard your heart crying."  
  
"I think I never truly wanted to leave."  
"I know, Frodo. Its so hard, living with what you must have in your mind. But, every day when you wake up, and keep on rising to the sun, you heal yourself, bit by bit. A little bit, just day by day. You may never understand it, but every time you close your eyes, and open them again, you prove something."  
  
"What do I prove, Gandalf?"  
"That there is still such a thing as hope and understanding in this world."  
  
===  
Frodo  
===  
  
I don't understand what Gandalf meant that day. It'll useless to say that not one thought in my head was one of doubt, or of utter pain. That would be a lie. I fear being alone sometimes. Alone, and left with memories I do not have yet the strength to bear.  
  
I do not understand. But I hope. I think I'll keep on climbing so I can stare off into a distant land. I want to look off to the sun, the land I love and realize there's so much left to do, and to feel, and right now, I do not think even the sun will disagree. I can finally move on. Away from what I was and closer to where I want to be -  
  
Back home and back to all I love.   
  
I guess that's what Gandalf meant when he talked about hope. 


End file.
